Conflicted – Chapter 100

“Why aren’t you both together?” Juliana asked Xiao You.

To hear this from Juliana, it is really odd…

And it actually makes Xiao You uncomfortable.

“Are you with someone else?” Juliana asked, looking really curious at Xiao You.

“No…” Xiao You replied.

“Is he with someone else?” Juliana asked, and then finds herself frowned at that question. “Though I doubt he would…” she happened to mumble.

“No…” Xiao You replied again.

“So, both of you are single, right?” Juliana asked.

“I hope you are not telling me that just because we are both single, it means we need to be together,” Xiao You said.

“Not in that way. But I just want to know if both of you are probably seeing someone else,” Juliana said. “And well, now I know, both of you are not,”

Xiao You pressed her lips together, not saying anything.

She really didn’t like talking about this…

“I don’t think Xi Men doesn’t want to be with you,” Juliana said.

“Umm… no. He… he wants to,”

“If he wants to, but both of you are not in a relationship… then I can only conclude it is from your side,” Juliana is just being straightforward.

Xiao You swallowed the lump in her throat.

Juliana smiled. “I believe you have your reasons for not wanting to be together with Xi Men,”

“Umm…”

“But tell me,” Juliana persuaded.

Xiao You looked at Juliana.

She felt awkward.

So damn uncomfortable.

But she knew Juliana is someone persistent…

“I just think he and I shouldn’t be together…” Xiao You answered anyway.

“Why so?” Juliana asked again.

Xiao You looked at Juliana. “I…”

Xiao You could only look at Juliana. She felt stuck right now. How is she supposed to tell Juliana?

But Juliana is waiting.

Juliana looked at Xiao You, “You…”

Xiao You looked at Juliana. “Hmmm?”

“You haven’t moved on from Mark?”

“Oh, no… not about that,” Xiao You said.

Juliana tilts her head. “Hmmm… I really can’t figure out,”

“Actually…”

Juliana looked at Xiao You, whose gaze has lowered a little.

Xiao You then lifted her head up and looked at Juliana, “Juliana, I am sorry,”

“Huh?” Juliana asked. “Sorry? You are saying sorry to me? About?”

Xiao You swallowed the lump in her throat, lowering her gaze again.

She couldn’t say it. She couldn’t say anything.

“Is…”

Xiao You lifted her eyes up to look at Juliana since Xiao You heard Juliana speaks.

“Is it something to do with me?” Juliana asked with a frown on her face.

“I…” Xiao You looked at Juliana apologetically.

“Ah, so that is why you say ‘sorry’ to me,” Juliana said. “What are you sorry for, by the way?”

Xiao You clasped her hands tight.

Juliana saw the way Xiao You holds her hands together, and she (Juliana) extends her hands forward and grabbed it. “Xiao You, please tell me,” she said. “And be very honest with me. I beg you,”

Xiao You looked at Juliana upon hearing the word ‘beg’ from Juliana.

“Because you haven’t been the last time,” Juliana smiled.

Hearing that makes Xiao You feels guilty.

“So, don’t hide anything from me, alright?” Juliana said again, and then patted Xiao You’s hands.

Xiao You bites her lips and then looked at her clasped hands after Juliana retracts her hands and sits back.

Gathering tremendous effort to say this, “Juliana… I felt I have ruined your marriage with Xi Men,”

Juliana looked at Xiao You.

“Juliana… I am really sorry. I feel really bad about that,”

Juliana pressed her lips together as she lowered her gaze, and then lifted it up about 3 seconds later to look at Xiao You again.

“I am sorry about not telling you who I was to Xi Men…”

Juliana smirked at that. “Who could tell that after all…” she said softly.

“But I didn’t know Xi Men loves me at the first place. I only found out after you told me he had feelings for the ‘2nd woman’. And that is also when I found out I am the ‘2nd woman’,” Xiao You adds. “I am sorry…”

“Are you guilty just for that?” Juliana asked.

Xiao You shook her head. “I feel guilty for coming back here. I always felt my presence here is a mistake. I probably shouldn’t have come back to Taipei,”

Juliana continued to look at Xiao You.

“The moment I got divorced… Xi Men extended help readily… extensively and excessively,” Xiao You said.

Juliana smiled upon hearing the words Xiao You had used.

“But what he did to me instead makes me wants to leave, because I honestly feel this is not right,” Xiao You said.

Juliana looked at Xiao You.

“Juliana, I want to assure you that there is nothing going on between Xi Men and I while he is married to you. Really,” Xiao You said. “That is why I feel terrible, because I know how he felt for me and I know why he is doing this to me,” she adds. “Morally, it felt so wrong although he kept on insisting this is just what he does to me as a friend…”

Juliana lowered her gaze down and smirks.

“There is a point of time where I have decided to leave. I have even packed everything, ready to go. But things suddenly changed. I got blocked from leaving the country, and Xi Men had asked for divorce from you,” Xiao You said, biting her lower lip after that.

Juliana looked at her.

“And then you divorced him,” Xiao You looked at Juliana apologetically. “Because you found out it was me, and what he had done for me,”

Juliana’s gaze meets Xiao You’s.

“This puts me into a very, very difficult position. I don’t want to see your marriage to Xi Men crumbled because of me. I am honestly, very, very sad, that your marriage to Xi Men ended because of me. I regretted coming back to Taiwan…”

“So this is why you felt guilty,” Juliana said.

“Juliana, I am sorry…”

“Xiao You,” Juliana called. “Don’t say that anymore,”

Xiao You looked at Juliana.

“Let me tell you my part of story,” Juliana said.

“Your part of story?” Xiao You asked, wondering what it means.

“I am sorry that when I leave last year… I didn’t even talk to you,” Juliana said.

Xiao You looked at Juliana.

It is understandable why Juliana does not talk to her and leaves straight away.

There is no way Juliana could talk to Xiao You.

“I admitted the entire situation is a huge blow to me,” Juliana said.

Xiao You just looked at Juliana.

“When I found out you are the 2nd woman, I felt disappointed and also… betrayed,” Juliana said.

Xiao You bites her lips guiltily.

“Because to me, you are a very valuable friend. It feels… terrible, to hear that my friend is the one…” Juliana said.

“I…”

“But after I left, our conversations repeat in my mind; and I clearly remembered the way you speak. And you even encouraged me to keep fighting for my marriage,” she said. “I know you are sincere about that; that you wanted me to fight for my marriage with Xi Men,”

Xiao You looked at Juliana, and she (Xiao You) nodded her head briefly.

“So I know you didn’t want to be where you are then,” Juliana said.

Xiao You swallowed the lump in her throat again.

“Back then…” Juliana took a deep breath, “Like you have said, I wanted to fight for it, but everyone else asked me to leave… not for you or Xi Men, but for myself,” Juliana said. “But… I also remembered I told Xi Men before… I will step down if you came back,”

Xiao You bites her lips. “Juliana… I have no intention to be with Xi Men…”

“I did not divorce Xi Men to let you both together. I divorce him because I am honoring what I have said,” Juliana said. “And the marriage has never been perfect as I have ever thought,”

Xiao You could only look at Juliana.

“I admitted; I am sad. With a heavy heart, I left Taipei,” Juliana said.

Xiao You bites her lips.

“And I have given this whole incident a thought for many, many times,” Juliana said.

Xiao You remained looking at her.

“And I discover… divorcing Xi Men is actually the best thing I have ever done to myself,” Juliana said.

Xiao You’s eyes brightened up. “Best thing…?”

Juliana nodded. “And… I am thankful for you,”

Xiao You’s eyes remained wide. She doesn’t understand.

With a smile on Juliana’s face, “I know you have no intention to be with Xi Men. Because, although you are the 2nd woman in Xi Men’s life, you know what you both had should be left in the past. If you had wanted to snatch him from me, there are plenty of things you could have done. You would not have encouraged me to work my marriage out with him and ask me not to give up despite knowing the condition of my marriage with Xi Men,” she said.

Xiao You gulps down the lump in her throat.

“I have put you in a very difficult position when you probably felt you shouldn’t have been there for me, because of what you had with Xi Men,” Juliana said. “I am sorry about that,”

“No, no… no… don’t… don’t feel sorry about that, Juliana…”

“And what I know is, if you had not appeared, I will still be with Xi Men now, thinking my marriage is perfect and assume I am happy,” Juliana said. “Which I am not,”

“Juliana…”

“That is why I am very thankful for you, for making me realize this is not what I think it is, and to have let Xi Men know this is not what he wants for the rest of his life,” Juliana said.

“Juliana, I am sorry I ruined your marriage,”

Juliana holds onto Xiao You’s hand. “Xiao You, listen to me,” she looked at Xiao You. “You did not ruin my marriage, Xiao You. You did not. I was the one that plants my signature on the document and dissolves my marriage,” Juliana said. “Our marriage shouldn’t have happened in the first place,” she adds. “You have made everything perfect now, Xiao You,”

“Perfect?”

“I was naïve and I believe in fairy tale,” Juliana smiled. “I thought I can really make him love me. I thought he will really love me with time. But I was wrong,” she said, and then looked at Xiao You, “So… divorcing Xi Men had set myself free,”

Xiao You just looked at Juliana.

“Xiao You,” Juliana reached for Xiao You’s hand again and holds it. “This is the best thing you have done for me. So I am very happy,”

‘How can this be a best thing…?’ Xiao You thought to herself.

“Wha… why… I…” Xiao You didn’t even know how to react.

Juliana smiled. “Xiao You, I finally met someone who really loves me now,”

That took Xiao You by surprised. “You… you do?”

Juliana nodded with a smile on her face.

“Really?”

Juliana nodded again. “He is actually my ex-boyfriend. I met him again in Belgium during one of those random strolling on the street,”

“Oh,”

“I was with him for 2 years when I was studying in University before I met Xi Men. We broke up because my dad disapproves him because of our status difference,” Juliana said. “He had apparently married his girlfriend of one year a week before she died of her cancer. And he has been single ever since,”

“A week before she died?” Xiao You asked.

Juliana nodded. “Because her biggest wish was to be married to him and be his wife. He made it come true for her,”

“That… that’s very nice of him…” Xiao You said.

Juliana smiled. “Yeah, that’s what I said to him too,” she chuckled embarrassingly. “So, after meeting him again, love blossoms and we get back together,” she said. “He loves me very much. He actually showed me the whole new definition of love,”

Xiao You smiled briefly.

“Or maybe I should say, I learnt the difference of how he treats me and how Xi Men treats me. Xi Men could never treat me like that,” Juliana smiled. “That is why, I know what it feels now to be loved,”

“That is good to hear…” Xiao You said.

Juliana smiled. “Actually, I come back to Taipei this time… it is for my wedding,”

Xiao You is utterly surprised now. “Wedding?”

*Flashback ended.

=====

“Wedding?” Xi Men stared at Xiao You, surprised. “She’s getting married?”

=====

*Flashback resumed.

Xiao You is utterly surprised now. “Wedding?”

Juliana chuckled, “Surprised! I am getting married in 3 months,”

“3 months?”

“Yeah, I guess… you must be thinking… why would I be marrying someone so soon… when I have just divorced from Xi Men last year…” Juliana smiled.

“Umm…”

“Well, it doesn’t matter how long I have divorced from Xi Men, but most importantly, I have moved on from him,” Juliana said. “And it does not matter how long it has been, but when I think it is time; then it is time,”

Xiao You smiled briefly.

“And you know what? My fiancé went down to his knee to propose to me,” Juliana smiled shyly.

Xiao You’s smile grew.

“And you know Xi Men didn’t do that to me… so… when he (fiancé) did that to me, I am really happy,” Juliana smiled. “I finally know how it feels to be proposed at. It is happiness; when you know someone wants to spend the rest of his life with you,”

Xiao You could see the happiness etched on Juliana’s face.

She realized the ‘different’ she sense from Juliana earlier is happiness.

Juliana is happy now.

“I am sorry I didn’t inform you or anyone about my wedding. Actually my parents didn’t know about it either, until I came back 2 days ago. I am planning for a small and intimate ceremony, so no friends will be invited. And even if I am inviting friends… I don’t think it is wise to invite Xi Men…”

Xiao You nods. “I understand,” she said.

Juliana then smiled again.

“Since this is so sudden for your parents… how do they take it? You said your dad disapproves him back then…”

“My parents are surprised that I met someone and I even planned to marry him. After what I have been thru with Xi Men, my dad has no objection towards my fiancé now. He just wants me to be happy, so status compatibility is no longer a must to dad. But dad is just worried I may end up divorced again. But I am willing to try again. Because at least, I know this guy loves me tremendously and wants to be with me; it is worth giving it a shot. I am really happy with him,” Juliana said.

“I am happy for you, Juliana. Congratulations,” Xiao You smiled.

“Thank you, Xiao You,” Juliana smiled.

Xiao You’s smile fades slightly, “It makes me wonder, Juliana…”

“About?”

“Have you ever regretted marrying Xi Men…?” Xiao You asked.

Juliana smiled and shook. “No. I have never regretted. Xi Men is a nice person. He is a keeper; only if he loves me back,”

Xiao You looked at Juliana.

“It was heartbreaking when I divorced Xi Men, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise; the relationship had taught me a lot of things. Most importantly; discovering that our marriage is not a healthy one,” Juliana smiled briefly.

Xiao You bites her lower lip as she listened to Juliana.

“So when I met my fiancé who really loves me… I found out what happiness with someone you love is. That is why I appreciate my relationship now,” Juliana said, and her smile grew, “And this is why I said, divorcing Xi Men is the best thing that I have ever done to myself,”

Seeing her smile, Xiao You smiled faintly.

Juliana extends her hand over and holds Xiao You’s clasped hands on the table. “Xiao You, thank you. I am really thankful for you, that no amount of ‘thanks’ can express my gratitude because your presence makes my life better now,”

Her small smile fades. Or precisely, Xiao You isn’t sure what to feel and what to react now.

“I am at the happiest I have ever been in my life,” Juliana smiled.

Xiao You slowly smiled.

“So, don’t feel guilty anymore, Xiao You, for you have made things better for me, and for all of us,” Juliana said, looking at Xiao You. “If this is the reason why you don’t want to be with Xi Men, then you can contemplate again,”

Xiao You pressed her lips together as she looked at Juliana.

“Xi Men and I are divorced now. What we had is just something that lies in the past. You have to look forward to the future,” Juliana said. “Xi Men has loved you for the longest time. To him, you are his happiness. If he is your happiness, accept him,” she patted Xiao You’s hand. “I have found my happiness. I want you to find yours too,”

Xiao You slowly smiles.

Juliana returned a wider smile to Xiao You.

*Flashback ended.

=====

Xi Men looked at Xiao You. “Ju… Juliana is the one that…”

Xiao You nodded. “She is the one that dissolves my guilt towards her,”

He looked at her, totally in disbelief.

Everyone had try persuading Xiao You but no one succeeded… and Juliana did.

But the most surprising thing would have to be Juliana encouraging Xiao You to accept Xi Men.

“Wow… I… I didn’t expect that…” Xi Men uttered. “I suddenly feel I owed her so much…”

Xiao You smiled, looking at Xi Men closely. “Umm… she said ‘hi’,”

Xi Men looked at Xiao You. “Huh?”

==========

*Flashback.

“Is Xi Men picking you up later?” Juliana asked, as both of them walked in the mall, not seeing anything in particular.

“Yes,” Xiao You said. “Umm… do you want to meet him and say hi?”

Juliana smiled and then she shook. “No, I don’t think that is nice,”

“Oh,” Xiao You said. “Do you… umm…”

“Hmm?”

“Do you have some… ill feelings… towards Xi Men?” Xiao You asked.

Juliana’s smile grew and then she chuckled, “No, I don’t. It’s just that… you know he is my ex-husband,”

“Yeah…”

“I don’t mind staying friends with him, but I think there will always be this… weird line, some kind of line that I cannot explain… between us,” Juliana said.

Xiao You smiled faintly, “I think I know what you mean. I do feel like that towards Mark as well,”

Juliana smiled. “I am glad that you understand. So… it is okay not to see him. But if you happen to talk to him about me… tell him I said ‘hi’,”

“Sure,”

“Also, tell him not to smoke too much,” Juliana said. “He smoked way a lot than he usually does towards the last few weeks before we’ve divorced. So I hope he did not pick up the pace to smoke a lot now,”

“Oh, he had stopped smoking now,” Xiao You said.

“Stop?” Juliana is taken aback.


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6 thoughts on “Conflicted – Chapter 100

  1. glad that juliana meet someone who love her,
    so this time for xy to find her happiness to…,;-)

    mmm… what if xm and juliana meet again?? maybe double date or in xm and xy weeding…he…he…can you make a wish come true, ann??

    next chap sis…

  2. Alex wanna give aunt Juliana a hug sis..good for her. even though she had her shortcoming..thanks for not making her those typical cliche that we often time seen on television(facepalm).😀

    • Haha, yes, I have written that kind of role once or twice and I didn’t want it to be the same this time. And yeah, somehow when I watch on TV and I saw those ladies…. goodness. I can’t stand it. Hahahahahahha.

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