Conflicted – Chapter 96

Xi Men slowly raised his hand up, and then caressed Xiao You’s cheek.

She looked at him, looking into his eyes that contain questions and worries.

And the eyes… they looked tired too.

“You didn’t sleep well last night… did you?” Xiao You asked.

He looked at her, and then he smirked, “Tell me, Xiao You… how can I sleep after all? When you are doing this to me?”

There is a slight change on her facial expression.

“Do you know… this is my worst nightmare?” he said, looking at her.

She looked at him.

“I have been up all night, thinking about this. I couldn’t comprehend at all,” he uttered, looking straight into her eyes. “I don’t know why you wanted the 3rd day to happen all of a sudden. And it must happen today, with or without me,”

She swallowed the lump in her throat.

“I can’t believe you threatened me with that; that I am losing my 3rd day if I do not participate in this today,” he said. “You did not leave me with a choice,” he turned to face the view.

She bites her lower lip.

He closed his eyes for a while, and after he opened it, he looked at the view in front of him again, “I can’t believe this is taking place when I am not ready at all,”

She lowered her gaze.

‘I am sorry, Xi Men…’ she thought to herself.

“What I dread about this third day is the fact that I have to let you go when it is over,” he said. “And this same fact that you are going to leave me is keeping me awake the whole night,”

She lifted her head up and looked at him.

“And since I am awake… I have been thinking…” he said, his sad eyes at the view.

She looked at him still.

“Last year… when I took up the ‘3 days’ offer, I have said that I will use it to win you, to show you the kind of boyfriend that I am. I said I will only take up 2 out of the 3 days, because I believe that is all I need to win you,” he swallowed the lump in his throat, “And not to mention… if I really did not win you, there is still one day left; and you will still be in Taiwan before you grant me the 3rd day. At least I am assured you will still be in this country whatever the result is after the Macau trip,” he said. “And sadly… things really went back to square one after we’ve have spent 2 days in Macau. You did not accept me,”

She looked at him.

“And not only that… I have been showing you my love, showering you with gifts, buying you flowers for the whole year… and we even lived together in the same house… but our status remained the same…” he said. “We live like a couple, do things like a couple, but we are not a couple,”

She bites her lower lip.

“All along… I have been by your side, waiting for things to happen between us… even until now,” he swallowed the lump in his throat. “And then… ‘today’ has to happen,”

She looked at him solemnly.

“After thinking about this the whole night, I have come to the conclusion that if I were to use today to win you like how I did in Macau, I know this is going to be futile,” he said. “If a whole year does not move you, today will not be an exception,”

Tears begin to form in her eyes.

“So I have decided…” he uttered. “I am not going to use this extremely valuable day to win you, but to leave an impression to you, in hope that you will stay. And if you were to leave after this day ends, I want you to remember the beautiful memories that I’ve made with and for you,” his tears formed in his eyes.

She looked at him, her tears threatening to fall.

“Back then, I was desperate for you to accept me; but now… I am desperate to keep you by my side,” he said.

She swallowed the lump in her throat, trying to control her emotions.

Xi Men sniffs, “Xiao You, I am not going to ask you to accept me anymore if that is going to drive you away. I just want you to stay by my side. Because I am happy with just seeing you. I am sorry, Xiao You. I am sorry if I have been stubborn with everything. Please don’t leave me,”

She looked at him.

He begged her.

She raised her hand slowly to hold his arm as a tear fell on her cheek. “Xi Men…”

“Xiao You, you are very important to me,” he uttered, wiping the fallen tear on her face while his tears rolled down his own cheek.

“Can… can we just enjoy the day today?” Xiao You asked, swallowing the lump in her throat after that.

He looked at her solemnly.

‘She avoided the topic.’

‘She’s really going to leave me…’

‘That is why she asked for the day to happen…’

‘Because she wants to go…’

That thought hits him hard.

A burst of sad emotions flooded him, his tears fell and in mere seconds the sadness overwhelms him up to the extent of him beginning to gasp for air just to breathe.

“Xi Men…” she called.

He can’t cope with that.

Not even the thought of that.

How is he going to cope with her leaving him tomorrow?

Looking at him reacting like this saddens her.

“Xi Men,” she called again.

“Oh my gosh…” he said.

“Xi Men, please…”

He turned away and walked.

“Xi Men,” she quickly blocks him, but he dodged her.

Seeing he moved away from her, she hugs him.

With her hugging him, he couldn’t go anywhere. He stood there, letting her hugged him.

Another tear fell on his face.

“Xi Men, we only have 24 hours together like this. And it is counting down now. Please don’t waste your time thinking of tomorrow, and don’t waste your time dwell in sadness. I am right here with you now. Please appreciate the time we have. Please understand that if the third day did not happen, nothing else can be done,” she said.

Tears streamed down his face.

“I have said it before. I am not going to stop, delay or postpone the time. I am not going to give you 5 minutes of break to wipe your tears and dwell in your sadness. No. I am not going to do that,” she said. “Please gather yourself. This is not the time for that,”

He closed his eyes tightly and clenched his teeth.

“You’ve just said you will do all you can to make me stay, right? You are going to use the day to leave an impression to me so that I will stay, right? Do that, Xi Men. Do that. How am I supposed to stay if this is what you are showing me, huh? How do you win a woman’s heart by doing this, huh?”

He sniffed hard.

“I thought you love me. Are you giving up on me now?” she asked.

After hearing what she said, he puts both of his hands on her shoulder and pushed her off, gently, from the hug, and he looked straight into her eyes, “I did not give up on you. I am not going to give up on you. I love you so much I can’t give up on you! It’s just that I do not know what to do to stop you from leaving!”

“Impress me then,” she said.

He looked at her, and he sniffs; not saying a thing.

She raised her hands up and wiped the tears on his face away, “Just like you have said, instead of using the day to win me, use the day to impress me. Do your best and give me the best day of my life. I will consider staying with you,”

He continued to look at her.

“Nobody knows what’s going to happen tomorrow. But if you do not give me your best, I will…”

He leaned over and kissed her on her lips, stopping her from talking entirely.

She didn’t see that coming.

He breaks off from the kiss pretty soon after, “If that is what you want me to do, I will do it. As long as you will contemplate staying,” and he kissed her again right after he said that, and later, he carries her in his arms and heads to the bed.

*****

Finally, it takes place again one year later.

He isn’t sure about her, but he has been dying to be close to her again.

And now he gets to do it.

He couldn’t stop kissing her.

He couldn’t stop touching her.

Being close to him again reminds her of how good he is.

When he kissed her, she kissed him back.

When he touched her, she could feel his emotions and feelings channeled through his touch.

When he took her, she trusted him fully to handle her with care.

Moans and groans filled the room.

Every move he made sends great sensations to her.

With every move he made towards her, she made him feel good in return too.

They enjoyed their moment… being one.

*****

*Washes face and rubbed cheeks. (*he)

***

*Breaks foil. (*she)

***

*Wiped face with a towel. (*he)

*Paused.

*Eyes strayed.

“Will she…” he murmured.

*Dropped face towel.

***

*Opened the cap of the bottled water and takes a sip of the water. (*she)

*Popped the pills into the mouth.

*Swallowed.

**Grabbed.

Xiao You turned her head to look at Xi Men who suddenly appears next to her, looking at the silver strip that he had just grabbed from her hand.

Her eyes widened slightly, and surprised that he caught her now.

After looking at the words on the silver strip, Xi Men then gazes at her.

“I… I thought you are going to shower,” she said.

“I was about to,” he said, “But I kinda figured you are doing something like this when I am not within sight,”

She looked at him. “You…”

“Swallowed?” he asked.

She swallowed the lump in her throat, “Yes…”

He tilts his head as he stared at her, and then he smirks, letting out a small laugh.

Laughter of defeat, more precisely.

She looked at him, wondering why he would react like this.

“You ate this last year too,” he said, casually dropping the silver strip on the dressing table.

Her eyes widened again, “You… you knew…?” she asked.

He smirks, “Are you really that afraid to get pregnant?” he asked, looking at her.

She looked at him. “If you made no intention to have safe sex, then I have to do it at my side,”

“I hope you know that I am a very responsible person; that if you are pregnant, I will definitely take responsibility and take care of you,” he said.

She looked at him. It’s not that she doesn’t know about this. He wants to be with her. If she is pregnant with his child, she believes he will be elated. No, SUPER elated.

For their Macau trip last year, she prepared the pills because she didn’t know how far he will go; as in, if he is trying to make her pregnant, in order for her to accept him because of a child.

She didn’t want that.

“I know,” she said. “But I am not keen with the idea of getting pregnant, that is why I took the pills,” she took a sip of the water from the bottled water.

“If I tell you I wanted you to get pregnant, how will you feel?” he asked, folding his hands on his chest, and then leaned his butt against the dressing table.

She looked at him nonchalantly. “Then let me tell you. If you made me pregnant, I definitely will NOT going to be with you,”

He is startled to hear what she said. “Will not?”

She nodded, “Yes. Will not. Forever,”

“Why?” he asked, surprised with her answer.

“To get me by making me pregnant, expecting me to go to you and ‘have’ to accept you because of a baby?” she looked at him, voicing her thoughts as an example.

He swallowed the lump in his throat; that’s exactly what he thought last year.

“If you love me, then get me the right, truthful way. Don’t use all of these sneaky ways to get me, as these will prompt me to hate you and lose my respect that I have towards you. And besides, impregnating me without my consent shows the level of respect you have towards me; and that equals to none. So, with that action being done towards me, do you think it means I have a respectable and loving spot in your heart?”

He stares at her.

“I definitely don’t think so,” she said. “So, why would I want to spend the rest of my life with someone like that?”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. “What… what if you are impregnated by accident?” he stammered.

“Then it is my fault for not taking precaution,” she said. “For me, I only want a child with my husband when I am married; and after having mutual agreement with my husband that we are ready to have kids, then I will be ready to have one,”

He had just realized how close he was to lose her!

“By the way, that’s how I see it. I do not represent all the women out there; everyone has different opinion and perception anyway,” she said, taking another sip from the bottled water.

“Oh…”

“So, do you want to make me pregnant in the first place?” she asked, closing the cap of the water bottle.

“No! No…” he raised his voice when he answered. “No, that… that’s not…”

‘Good. Made my points thru,’ she thought to herself.

She smirked, putting the bottled water down. “Okay. Glad to know,” she said, pretending to buy his answer. “So… can I go to shower now? Since you said we are going for dinner right after I shower,”

“Oh sure…” he said, blinking for a few times, and then slowly turned his head to look at the emergency contraceptive strip on the dressing table.

He is not going to see it the same away again…

She walked passed him to head to the bathroom.

*Recalled something.

His eyes then strayed.

He turned to look at her heading to the bathroom, “Ah, wait! I have not taken shower yet!”

**********

9.40pm.

Xi Men closes the door after both he and Xiao You had entered the suite, after they had returned from their 6-course-meal dinner at Level 85 of Taipei 101.

“BURP!”

Xi Men turned his head to look at Xiao You who is covering her mouth now after burping.

“Oops,” she said.

He chuckled. “Good to know you are full,”

She smiled as she heads to the dressing table, “I eat well. Thank you for the marvelous meal,”

“You are welcome,” he said, taking his jacket off.

She sits down and then takes off the ring and puts it into the box, before she proceeded to remove her earrings.

Xi Men looked at the time on his wristwatch.

He finds himself taking a deep breath.

Xiao You turned her head to look at him, “That deep breath is loud,” she said, while she is fiddling with the necklace clasp that she could only touch to know.

He looked at her, and smiled, “Sorry about that,”

“No worries. Do you mind to help me…” she asked, “…I want to remove my necklace…”

“Oh, okay. Coming,” he walked to her immediately.

She releases her hands and let Xi Men deals with the clasp.

She looked at him from the mirror, seeing how serious Xi Men is, trying to remove her necklace.

Xi Men glances over to the mirror and meets her eyes.

Xiao You smiled.

He smiled back to her mirror image, before his eyes returned to the clasp, “So there’s actually such a day where you needed someone to help you from the back…” he said.

“Mocking me, Mr. Xi Men?” she asked.

“Well, everyone needs someone. I am just highlighting it to you,” he smiled. “Since you are used to do these all by yourself,”

“I am an independent woman,” she said.

He had successfully unclasped the necklace, “Independent woman still needs help once in a while. Like now,” he winked at her, removing the necklace and kissed her nape, before passing the necklace to her.

She smiled.

‘He is saying… he is there to help me when I needed him,’ she thought to herself as she keeps the necklace.

“By the way,” he said.

Xiao You looked into the mirror to look at Xi Men’s mirror image. Apparently he is still standing right behind her.

“Yeah?” she asked.

“You are very beautiful tonight,” he smiled.

Her smile grew. “Thank you,”

He smiled, and then proceeded to kiss her on her cheek, before he walks away.

And she looked at him walking away to his luggage to get a change.


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