I Still… – Chapter 82

“Here are your VIP tickets,”

“Ah. I have only asked from you this morning and you already obtained it for me by lunch. Thank you so much,” Xiao You smiled, taking the two tickets from Raymond’s hand.

“It wasn’t that tough for me to get the tickets,” Raymond smiled as he clasped his hands together. “Like I have said, only some VIP seats left, so it is best I get it fast before the seats are sold off,”

“Will these give good views? Best seats?” Xiao You asked, pointing at the tickets.

“Yes, they are,” Raymond said. “You are quite lucky. The seats that are left are actually located at the corners but someone cancelled their booking today so I managed to get this. The seats are at the center, and front,”

“Thanks! You are the best,”

“You are welcome,” Raymond said. “I am more than happy to hear that you are coming to the closing show,”

“I am more than happy that I am going to watch the show again,” Xiao You smiled.

“You’ve said back then that you may come and see me once a while, and that never happened, until the closing show!” he said.

She laughed. “I am sorry about that. Well, at least I came to see your opening and now going to your closing show,” she grinned.

He smiled. “Yes. At least you are watching me twice,”

She chuckled.

“So, is the second ticket for Xi Men?” he asked.

Xiao You smiled briefly and nodded. “Yeah,”

Raymond smiled. “I thought you told me he doesn’t like the musical,”

“I thought so too. And he happened to love the musical now… he watches it with Rebecca during our separation,” Xiao You said, keeping the tickets into her handbag.

“He watches the musical?” Raymond asked. “You mean in the theatre in Taipei here?”

“Yes, he said so,”

“Oh,” Raymond said. “So, you are saying he likes the musical because he watches it with her?”

“I had that exact sentiment, but he told me it is not because of her,” Xiao You said. “He said it is because of me,”

Raymond smiled. “That is good,”

“That is just what he said. He never explained what about ‘because of me’ that make him loves the musical,” Xiao You said.

Raymond tilts his head as he looked at Xiao You’s expression. He then smiled briefly, “You’ve gotten back together with Xi Men for 5 days now. How has your life been?”

Xiao You pressed her lips together for a while. “It is okay…”

“Just okay?” Raymond asked. “I thought you are really happy because this is what you really want,”

Xiao You looked at him, “It is not that I am not happy. I am. But… it feels weird,”

“Weird? Why so?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “We have weird conversations,”

“What is the definition of your weird conversations?” he asked.

She looked at him, “He asked a lot about you,”

“Me?” Raymond asked. “What about me?”

She exhaled a deep breath. “Let’s just put it in a way that he is jealous of you and wanted me to stay away from you although I have told him you are just a friend,”

Raymond looked at Xiao You, and then he chuckled. “So, he thinks I am a threat?”

“Won’t say no about that. And you know about this lunch that we are having now? He dislikes it; but he refused to admit he is unhappy or jealous… though he happily allows me to go for lunch because he found out you are leaving on Monday,”

Raymond smiled. “I think that is a good thing,”

“Good thing? What so good about it?”

“When guys are jealous, it means he cares and he loves her,” Raymond said. “I thought you knew,”

“I know. But I am uncomfortable as well when he talked about Rebecca,”

“Ah, so you are jealous as well,”

Xiao You glared at Raymond. “Ahem,”

Raymond chuckled, “It is just me here. You can be honest,”

Xiao You took a deep breath as she looked at the glass of strawberry smoothie in front of her. “I am unhappy, but it is not that I have the right to be in that state… I shouldn’t, and I can’t, but… I somehow feel that,”

“Because he goes out with her during the separation?” Raymond asked. “Thus, you felt you have no right to question him or be mad at that, right?”

She nodded as she began playing with the straw, taking it up and then poking it in into the drink repeatedly. “You know me well,”

Raymond smiled briefly.

She sighed. “Xi Men said he did not date her. He said he only went out for meals and maybe goes around with her, but he did not specifically date her. He said he did not kiss her or sleep with her…”

The small smile on Raymond’s face grew slightly.

“Although he explained… but it somehow did not comfort me…” she said, sadly.

“Do you trust him when he said he didn’t do anything intimate to Rebecca?”

Xiao You paused briefly, “I don’t know,”

“Do you believe something actually happened between him and Rebecca?” he folded his hands, placing them on the table.

Xiao You looked at Raymond. “I… I don’t know,” she said. “I… I refuse to…”

“So, you think he may be saying things that you want to hear, just to be with you?”

Xiao You slowly turned her head away, and then she inhaled a deep breath. “I…” she then sighed. “I don’t know…”

“It looks like, although you want to be with him, you are also troubled by the happenings that had taken place during the period that is not under your jurisdiction,”

Xiao You swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Do you think, separation could be the key to solve this problem?” Raymond asked.

She looked at him.


Xi Men stared at the person sitting in front of him that Lei had dragged him to meet. He then turned his head to look at Lei. “Are you f*cking kidding me?”

“No, I am not. You said you needed help, and since I can’t help you… or rather, I don’t know how to help you… I brought you to meet someone who might be able to help you…” Lei said, “Xi Men, meet my wife, Jing,” he jokingly introduces.

And Jing, who is sitting next to Lei on the square table, just glared at her husband.

“How can I talk to another woman about this?! It is odd enough to talk to you; what’s more another woman… and worse, she is your wife!” Xi Men complains.

“Sounds like I shouldn’t be here… eh?” Jing pointed at herself.

“No, darling. Xi Men needs your help,” Lei said.

“Eh, bugger. Seriously. Cut it out, I can’t do this,” Xi Men said.

“I don’t know what’s going on here,” Jing said, rolling her eyes.

“Dude, just do it,” Lei looked at Xi Men.

“Dude, your wife is a lawyer! Not a counselor!” Xi Men said.

“Counselor? What kind of help do you actually need, up to the point that you need a counselor?” Jing asked.

Xi Men then looked at Lei, “You didn’t… tell her?”

“No,” Lei said. “I let you do the opening,”


“Come on!” Lei said.

“What kind of person are you to drag your wife over and… and not telling her what… what I… what I am about to… say…”

“It is your matter, dude! Of course you do it!” Lei said.

“You stuttered…” Jing points at Xi Men, and then she points at Lei, “And you refused to say anything…” she said. “So, I think I am not needed here,”

Lei immediately extends his hand and gripped on Jing’s arm, “Honey, we need you. No, I mean, Xi Men needs you,”

“Oh dear, that statement itself sounds so wrong…” Xi Men said, pressing his head’s temple.

Jing looked at Lei, “Honey, are you really, really sure he needs to talk to me?”

“Yes,” Lei said.

Jing then slowly turned her head to look at Xi Men who is still pressing his head’s temple. “Like, I am here now… so… I don’t know what kind of help you need or want, but… what I feel is that, since Lei asked me to help you… there is a tendency I might be the right person to help you in whatever thing you needed help at… you know, since it is Lei that has an exceptional evaluation skill to actually recommend me,”

Xi Men looked at Jing. Suddenly he felt that what Jing said is pretty spot on.

Among F4, Lei is the one that speaks wisely, though at times, his philosophies confuses people.

Lei had good eyes and mind in analyzing situations.

If Lei brought Jing to meet him… there is really a likelihood that Jing could help.

Lei wouldn’t recommend her out of a blue, right?

“But at the same time, I am saying, I can’t guarantee I will be able to help you, but I will try my best,” Jing said. “And if you really find that I am unsuitable, I can leave. Really,”

Lei, from looking at his wife, then turned to look at Xi Men and (Lei) nods supportively at what Jing had said.

After gazing at Jing for a while, Xi Men then sits straight up.

After seeing Xi Men’s reaction, Lei clasped his hands on the table and Jing pays attention to Xi Men, waiting for him to speak.

Suddenly Xi Men takes a deep breath and his shoulders dropped. “I still think this is too embarrassing,” he then covered his face.

“Well… we can keep it just three of us…”

“You must!” Xi Men suddenly said, pointed at Jing.

Jing is surprised with his reaction and that point finger.

Xi Men immediately retracts that finger. “I am sorry,” he clasped his hands together and puts it on his thigh, under the table.

“Oh wow. That sounds… pretty serious… umm… matter,” Jing said.

“Okay, maybe I should just tell you,” Lei suddenly said and then he turned to look at Jing.

Xi Men’s eyes widened upon hearing that and he extends his hand out, purportedly to grip onto Lei’s arm.

“Xi Men and Xiao You are not having sex now,” Lei happened to blurt that faster than Xi Men could stop him.

Jing’s eyes brightened as she stared at Lei.


Both Lei and Jing turned their heads and looked at Xi Men, who has just smacked his palm on his forehead.

“So Xi Men wants help on how to get her into the mood,” Lei said.

“Dude!” Xi Men yelled.

“Isn’t that a bit too personal?” Jing asked, looking at Lei.

“I know, right,”

“Urgh…” Xi Men covered his face now. “You could have said it in… I mean… less… embarrassingly…”

Jing then puts both her hands on her cheeks due to embarrassment. “To be really honest with you… at this moment… I feel I am not supposed to be here…”

“See! I’ve told you!” Xi Men said, whacking the back of his palm onto Lei’s arm.

“Ouch!” Lei rubbed the painful arm.

“I regret so much about asking you for help,” Xi Men said, looking at Lei. “Now I feel so… awkward,” he glances at Jing.

“I’ve told you, I don’t know how to help you!” Lei said at Xi Men.

“But it is not as embarrassing to talk to your wife about this!” Xi Men said.

“It is indeed weird to talk about this with… someone other than my husband,” Jing said, swallowing the lump in her throat.

Lei then turned to look at Jing, “It is also weird for me to talk about this with Xi Men,”

“Isn’t it weirder for me?!” Xi Men yelled. He took a deep breath, and then he closed his eyes. “Oh dear…” he groaned.

“Umm… well…” Jing said, sitting up straight. She tilts her head for a while and then straightened it back. “I can try to help you…”

Xi Men and Lei gazed at Jing.

“Because Lei asked me to… and… and I believe it is something very important to you, to have you… voiced it out,” Jing said. “I guess it is a concern… to you,”

Xi Men and Lei looked at each other.

“And you, Xi Men, you are the… umm… you are the one that… that has the least likelihood of asking and talking about… intimacy… with anyone of… them, I mean, us… uh, no, them,” even Jing couldn’t get rid of the bashfulness she is having.

Xi Men looked at Jing, “I know it is embarrassing. I know it is weird. I know that in F4, I am probably the one with the most experience in… that, but… sigh, I can’t do this,” he squeezes his nasal bridge.

Jing cleared her throat, “Well, here is what I can do for you,” she clasped her hands on the table.

Both Lei and Xi Men looked at her.

“I can listen to you and give my opinion and… help, whenever and wherever I can. I’ll put away the ‘friend’ persona and be… be more professional, I mean… umm, whatever counselor you want me to be,” Jing said.

Lei turned to look at Xi Men. “I think this is what you really need,”

Xi Men then looked at Jing, “You will be more professional? You won’t… umm… judge me?”

“I’ll try not to,” Jing grinned at him. “I mean, I will try my best,”

“And I’ll try not to imagine things I shouldn’t imagine…” Lei said.

Xi Men extends his hand and pushes Lei’s upper arm, causing Lei to almost fall off the chair; that Jing laughed at the antic.

Lei could only laugh at what Xi Men did to him (Lei).

Jing took a deep breath, readying herself. “So… you can tell me what happened,”

Xi Men swallowed the lump in his throat. “I… I can be completely blunt and honest with you?”

Jing nodded. “Yes. And we’ll see how to work around your problem,”

Xi Men then gazes at Lei.

Lei returned the gaze. “It’s yours, now,”

“Umm…” Xi Men cleared his throat. “Ever since getting back together with Xiao You… we haven’t… umm… together. Just like what Lei said,”

“Okay…” Jing said.

“Well, I touched her… she… isn’t responding,” Xi Men said, still feeling embarrassed to talk about this with Jing. “I wanted to… get her into the mood,”

“Okay…” Jing said again.


Xi Men waits for Jing to speak.

Jing waits for Xi Men to continue.

And Lei looked at each other, wondering what they are doing.

“So…?” Xi Men asked, looking at Jing.

“Ah, that’s all?” Jing asked.

“Umm, yeah. What else do you want…?” Xi Men frowned.

“Oh. I thought you have more to say,” Jing said. She tilts her head. “Hmmm… care if I ask you some… personal questions?”

“Personal? Like… how personal?”

“Umm… if you do it frequently with her before… umm, separation?” Jing asked. “Or maybe… throughout the years of marriage, prior to separation?”

“Oh,” Xi Men said. “Umm, actually… we are quite… active,” he gazes towards Lei.



“I am not so sure if we are on the same definition of ‘active’,” Jing said. “And having intimacy once in a long while is still consider as active to some people,”

“I am saying ‘quite active’,” Xi Men said.

“Do you consider that as ‘very active’?” Jing asked.

Xi Men’s face reddened. “Umm, yes,”

“How many times a week?” Lei asked.

Jing and Xi Men turned to look at Lei.

“Why do you want to know that?” Xi Men asked Lei.

Lei then turned to look at Jing, “Do you need to know that…?”

“No,” Jing said. “I don’t want to know that,”

“Oh,” Lei said, raising his hand up and scratched his head. “Sorry about that,”

Xi Men rolled his eyes.

“Well… throughout your marriage, have there been times she didn’t respond to you, like what she is doing to you now?” Jing asked.

Xi Men tilts his head as he is in deep thought. “Well, there are, but… not on the same record like now, which I can honestly tell you, it is very different compare to those times,”

“Okay, maybe she is having her period now,” Jing said.

“No, she is not having her period now. I am sure,”

“Then, maybe PMS?”

“She may have hormonal imbalance before her period but… no. It is not the same between what she acts during PMS and treating me now,”

“Maybe she is stressed about things in the day? Like, about her work?”

“As far as I am concern, there is no problem with the ballet studio,”

“Staffs or workload?”

Xi Men shook. “No problem,”

“Is she showing signs of fever or flu or…”

“No. She is very healthy,”

“Back pain, perhaps?”


“Maybe she is worried about Emily…?”

“Emily? What about Emily?” Xi Men asked.

“Is she healthy?” Jing asked.


“What about in preschool? Did she… umm, create problems, or…?”

“No, there are no problems,”

Jing tapped her fingers on the table. “You initiated, she didn’t respond. She is not having period. She is not sick. There is no problem at work. There is no problem with Emily…” she murmured.

“It sounds like she didn’t want to f*ck you,” Lei suddenly uttered.

Xi Men and Jing turned their heads and looked at Lei.

Xi Men glared at Lei, “If you could have come with that conclusion, you don’t need to drag your wife out to meet me, eh?”

Lei grinned at Xi Men. “That is just what I thought. Just me,”

“Well, I did come with the same conclusion as Lei…” Jing said. “But I am thinking of other possibilities,”

Lei and Xi Men exchanged glances.

Jing then looked at Xi Men. “I think, the problem comes from you,”

“From me? What do you mean it comes from me? I am the one trying to initiate every single time,” Xi Men said. “It is not like I don’t want to do it…”

“I know. But what I meant is… there is something within her that makes her didn’t want to have intimacy with you because the root cause of that ‘something’ comes from you,” Jing said. “And so that means no matter what you do and how you try to initiate, she will not do it with you still,”

Lei and Xi Men stared at Jing.

“Now, I didn’t think of that,” Lei said, pointing at Jing.

“If you ask me, I think it is in the mind,” Jing adds.

“In the mind?” Xi Men asked.

“Women and men are different. Let me state something in general. Guys tend to take ‘making love’ as something physical,”

“No,” Lei immediately interrupted. “No,” he repeated.

“No, Jing, it is something more than that,” Xi Men said.

“I agree with Xi Men,” Lei said again.

“I am just stating something in general and I am not aiming at any of you…” Jing said. “Okay, I didn’t want to talk about guys’ part because I don’t have the desire to debate about that, and I am sure you have your own interpretation, so… let me talk about the female part…”

“Okay…” Xi Men said.

“Also something in general with exceptions, of course, women takes ‘making love’ more than just physical. It is a combination of body, mind and soul. It is a different level and different perception for women. If one of the three components is not ready, she cannot bring herself to actually make love and enjoy the process,”

“So you are saying, when women said they are tired and didn’t want to make love with their husband, it means one of the components is not ready?” Lei asked.

“Yes, so either she is really bodily tired after a long day at work, taking care of kids or cleaning the house, or her mind is tired because she has been cracking her mind at work that she could not think too much anymore, or her soul is tired because of the man whose skill sucks knowing that the sex is going to be boring,” Jing said.

Lei and Xi Men glared at each other.

“I hope you didn’t fall into the sucky category,” Xi Men suddenly blurted at Lei.

“What?!” Lei responded. “How on earth you could link me to that?!”

“Because you ask her that question, so I assume you did experience that,” Xi Men said.

“No, it is not Lei. I always fall into the bodily tired category,” Jing smiled.

Lei glared at Xi Men again.

“It is just weird to hear that from my wife with you,” Lei said.

“Do you know how weird it feels for me now to talk about this?” Xi Men asked Lei back.

Jing laughed, but it fades suddenly, “Wait, did Xiao You tell you that? That she is tired or something?”

“No…” Xi Men said. He then frowned, “Ah, I seriously hope she didn’t lose interest in intimacy!”

Jing then tilts her head, “From the way you said it… I don’t think so,”

“Really?” Xi Men asked. “I really don’t want that to happen!”

“If she is to lose interest, that could have already happened after she gave birth to Emily. Not right now. Not all of a sudden,”

“Oh, that makes sense…” Xi Men said. “So…”

Jing took a deep breath, “From the way that I derive, I think… her mind is not ready,”

“I don’t get it. Xiao You and I are always at it, how can it be that her mind is not ready,” Xi Men said.

“If both of you had been actively, and I mean, super actively making love throughout the years prior to the separation, and now she became like this, it means… the recent separation is what triggered the changes,” Jing said.

Xi Men and Lei’s eyes widened.

“Wow,” Lei is surprised at that.

“I think she is hurt from the separation. She is bruised from it and she is perhaps… not able to trust you yet thus she is not ready to give herself to you again,” Jing said.

Xi Men could only swallowed the lump in his throat. “I think you are right… I know she is badly hurt from it…”

Lei and Jing exchanged glances.

“Then… what am I supposed to do now? I can’t undo the separation. It had happened,” Xi Men is suddenly worried.

“Xi Men, work from within, from her mind,” Jing said.

“From within? From her mind?” Xi Men asked.

Jing nodded. “The separation impacts her greatly, but I don’t know how much she had healed since getting back together with you. You can wait to see if she will rebuild her trust on you and perhaps, it will take a while, but there may be a chance she may not trust you as much as she used to anymore,”

Xi Men took a deep breath, and then exhaled it disappointingly. “So… it means I ruined it…”

“It may be tough, but it is doable. Well, she took you back. That’s a first step. What you need to do next is to mend her broken heart, and to gain her trust on you, to let her know that you are going to put in effort and try doubly hard to make this relationship work again,” Jing said. “And to let her know that you love her even more than before,”

Lei nodded. “I agree with that,”

“I think what you said makes sense. But is it really doable?” Xi Men asked.

“Yes, because you both love each other. Right now, she is just protecting her heart from getting crushed again. You just need to give her the assurance so that she can give her heart to you and trust that you will not hurt her again. But remember, this may be time consuming, so be patient,” Jing said. “So, in conclusion, just put in more effort and show her you are really worth the second chance,”

Xi Men remained staring at Jing. He pressed his lips together.

“Once you settle it, her mind will be ready for you. I don’t think there will be any problems after that. You’ll get back on track and possibly you won’t be able to leave the room,” she grinned. “Or I must say… the bed,”

Xi Men’s face reddened. “Since when the Jing that I know became like this?!”

Lei and Jing laughed.

“Just messing with you,” Jing smiled. “So, I hope you get my advice clear and you know where to work on. So… okay?”

Xi Men smiled faintly, “Okay,”

Lei smiled. “I can’t possibly imagine the root cause of your problem actually arise from your separation,”

“I can’t either,” Xi Men replied.

“So, she is the right person to talk to, huh?” Lei looked over to Jing.

Jing just tilts her head with a smile.

Xi Men nodded with a smile. “I agree now,”

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