It has been a wonderful day for me and Xi Men. Xi Men agreed to go out with me and had fun. Despite that he have injuries, I want him to know that it isn’t a barrier for him to be happy and being himself.
I would say that I must have force Xi Men to go out. But I can see him happy today and enjoying his time around me. This makes me happy too.
We went to Taipei 101.
I told him I wanted to see Taipei from top. And so we did. We were there until dinner time, and of course, we get to see the sunset. But I still believe the sunset is best seen at places like Alishan or anywhere with nice hill scenery. However, what’s best for today is to be able to see the happy face of Xi Men.
Of course, I did not left him out. I talk to him, and he would reply using hand signals or writing on his phone. There are many eyes focusing on him and me, when I would talk, and he replied using hands signal. Possibly they thought Xi Men cannot talk, or they are focusing on his obvious bandages on his neck.
Xi Men told me that swallowing food is not as difficult as last time anymore. He said he can swallow water like usual, so, he is hoping that I would let him eat something else. He also said that he can chew. So what I did was… I bought him some French fries, to know if he can really chew and swallow. But I am still reluctant to let him eat food that needs a lot of chewing. I pamper him by allowing him to eat ice-cream, and he is like a young boy, happy as ever to get to eat ice-cream.
I decide to call Dr. Huang and ask him for sure if Xi Men can actually start to eat solid food… and I want to tell Dr. Huang how happy Xi Men is today!
I noticed something different about my life today.
Officially, I noticed that my life revolves about many other things than only work.
I did not know that Xiao You would be this happy today that I agreed to go out with her. Seeing her happy makes me happy too.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked at the injuries on my neck.
It reminds me of my 2 days stay in the hospital.
How Xiao You help me to sit up from my sleeping position.
How she blew the porridge to less burning hot and fed me with it, though swallowing it seems like a disaster to me.
The nurse taught her how to change my bandage, how to cleanse and what medication to put here and there… and then she learned to do so… which is why she changed my bandages twice a day for the last few days.
I find out ever since the accident, I have started to like her even more… especially the 2 days stay in the hospital but today, I cannot explain how much it has grew. I honestly have no idea what is going on with me.
But why? Why on a married woman??
I run my finger through my hair, and I leave out a sigh.
Oh shit. I am coughing. It hurts me.
I keep coughing.
I feel my injuries hurt and I’m in pain.
I need water.
I need water badly to ease the pain.
I immediately rushed to the door and opened it. I remained holding to the door of my room. It is painful, and my legs go weak due to the pain that is unbearable.
I coughed badly.
Where is Xiao You? Please get me water… it is hurting me… please…
Xiao You opened the door of her room.
“Oh no, Xi Men!” she called out. I stared at her and give her a sign that I need water. “Dr. Huang, I’ll call you back,” I heard she said and she hang up the call.
Dr. Huang? Why is she on the phone with Dr. Huang?
Xiao You immediately rushed downstairs to kitchen and then she came up to me with a glass of water.
“Here, Xi Men,” she said as she handed me the water.
I immediately took the water… and now, swallowing the water hurts, but I need to get it down my throat so that the cough will go. I held her right hand as I swallow the water, and I squeeze it tight. I closed my eyes as I try to endure the pain.
“Ahh,” she called. “Xi Men…”
I let out small coughs. Then, I opened my eyes and looked at her.
“Are you alright?” she asked.
I nodded as I continued to release small coughs. I let her hand go, only to realize she was yelling in pain just now, because I squeezed her hand too tight. She massaged her hand.
“Sor…” I was trying to say sorry to her but it hurts me.
“Don’t talk,” she said. “It’s ok…” she smiled. “Oh,” her smile faded. “Your injuries are bleeding, I’ll get you a new bandage,”
Maybe I coughed… and I maybe was too rough… so it bleeds. I smiled lightly and I nodded.
She smiled as she caressed my face, and she headed downstairs to get me the new bandages.
The touch… I love it… oh no… what is going on with me…?
I walked and sat on my bed, with the glass of water. I slowly drank the water, and this time it is not as pain as when I swallow it earlier. I was harsh just now, because I wanted to ease the pain that the cough is causing.
“Here,” Xiao You suddenly appeared before me, with the bandages in hand.
I looked at her peeling the bandage off my neck and then applied the medication before she put the new bandage on it.
“It will be alright, now,” she smiled. She looked at my bandage.
Xiao You turned to face the door and I grabbed her left hand. I wasn’t quite sure why I am doing that… but in my heart it tells me that I wanted her to be by my side.
Xiao You turned again, looking at me. “Yeah?”
I looked at her right hand that I have grabbed earlier. It was red. My fault. I reached for the hand and rubbed it.
“Ouch,” she called, and then she covered her mouth. “It’s alright, Xi Men,” she immediately said. “I’m really fine,”
I did not respond to her.
“Xi Men…” she said.
I pointed at my phone that I placed next to the television in my room. She looked at where I pointed, and then she quickly head over and took the phone for me, and I start writing.
‘Rubbing will help ease the pain’
She smiled. I patted on the bed, to ask her to sit next to me. And she sat down, as I continue rubbing her hand.
“Coughing hurts?” she asked.
Being with her makes me comfortable. I feel alive.
Going out with her today gives me more than what I am asking.
I did not know I have missed out so many enjoyments in life because all I know is only working.
I barely remember the life I lead is full with enjoyments before I start working.
Since she left Taipei 6 years ago, so as my life.
I did not know her existence gives me such a great impact, practically my life changed just like that.
Now that she is back, she gave me a new meaning of life.
With just going out with her for a day, I feel the different path in life.
I was wishing this moment will not end… but she will go back to her husband 6 months later…
I stopped rubbing her right hand. I noticed there is no ring on her ring finger.
“What is it?” she asked.
Maybe she is just not wearing it… maybe she put the ring in her room.
I smiled as I shook. I continued rubbing her hand.
Since the accident, I have been very moody.
Losing my voice is equivalent to losing a lot of things. I have so many limitations, and how much I wanted to be able to talk.
But now, she is my voice.
“Xi Men,” she suddenly called.
I looked up at her, and abruptly stopped rubbing.
“We have not really talked with each other,” she said.
I took the phone and I start writing. ‘Nothing much to talk about. I lost my voice’.
“Losing your voice doesn’t mean losing everything,” she said, seemingly like she read my mind earlier.
I just smirked as I continue rubbing.
“There are many things can be done, and not necessarily you need to talk to do so,” she said.
I lose my speech. That is one very important thing for me. Losing it now, tells me to appreciate my voice once I can talk. I did not respond to her.
“I only want you to be happy, and not like this,” she said. “Despite losing your voice, you can still write…”
Again, I did not respond. I just rubbed her hand.
“Ouch!” she yelled as she pulled her hand off from me.
I just realized I was so into deep thought that I rubbed her hand too hard. I immediately write on the phone ‘I’m sorry’.
“It’s ok,” she smiled.
I write on the phone again, ‘Where do you want to go tomorrow?’
She looked at me and smiled. “Is there anywhere you want to go? Then you can bring me to,”
I smiled. ‘I’ll think about it’ I showed her on phone.
“Ok,” she said.
I put my phone down and I took her hand again, and rubbed it.
I am glad to hear Xi Men offering to bring me out tomorrow. He does seem happier today, but seeing him right now…
I don’t know.
There seems to be something bothering his mind. But he is not voicing it out. He is not telling me.
There is no use to force him to talk, but I will be there for him should he needs me.
I panicked when I see Xi Men coughing earlier. I heard him coughing when I was with Dr. Huang on the phone.
He cannot talk, but the sound of coughing means he is hurting his own throat.
I have asked Dr. Huang, and he said that if Xi Men said he feels swallowing is not that painful to him and he can chew now, he can take some solid food. Dr. Huang did say that Xi Men’s condition is getting better, and hopes that he can start talking soon.
The faster he regains his voice, I will not feel so guilty anymore.
But I guess the guilt will always be there forever…
Seeing him happy at Taipei 101 today is enough. I see a different side of him, since the past few days.
I realized it didn’t take too much effort to make me fond of him again.
I have always like him, but I seemed to enjoy myself around him. Especially today.
I think I like him even more now… and more so now that I know he is not married.
I don’t know.
But I have a feeling if I ever going to be with him, this relationship is not going to work.
I wasn’t sure why…
Again, Xi Men and I had fun yesterday.
As suggested by Dr. Huang, it is best for Xi Men to be happy, and be positive.
And now the weekend has ended, it is back to work.
As usual, he would drink my coffee in the office.
I worked on my notebook, on what I have studied. And then currently via Internet I am reporting to Manager Wayne.
Suddenly, I heard a loud bang on the door of Xi Men’s room.
I looked up. Not only I am the only one heard it… basically all the staffs heard it too. All of them staring at Xi Men’s room.
I saw Secretary Xu walked out from Xi Men’s room and closed the door. He took a deep breath at the entrance.
“Nothing, everyone. Get back to work,” I heard Secretary Xu said. He walked to his seat.
I stood up and headed to Secretary Xu.
“Secretary Xu, what happened?” I asked.
“CEO Xi Men…” he said. “You have anything you want to look for him? I suggest that you look for him later,”
“Basically we all heard the bang on the door,” I said. “Maybe I can help,”
Secretary Xu took a deep breath. “He asked me to postpone an appointment for him, I tried, but the client insists to have the appointment today… or else the contract will not… proceed,” he said sadly.
“But you did not tell the client that Mr. Xi Men…” I said.
“I was told not to tell client that way,” Secretary Xu said. “So, CEO Xi Men is angry that the appointment cannot be postponed… so…”
“I see…” I looked up at Xi Men’s room. “So is Mr. Xi Men going for that appointment?”
“I have no idea… he just got mad and… and he threw the file at the door,” Secretary Xu said.
“Err… can I go in?” I asked.
“You, Miss Yang? I am not sure… I think it is best to wait until…” Secretary Xu said. “I guess he needed some time alone,”
I looked at him. Xi Men must be very frustrated.
Again… it was all my fault…
I feel very sad for him.
I folded my hands on my chest as I am sitting on my seat and I looked out from my room.
I took a very deep breath.
How am I supposed to attend an appointment like this? I cannot talk. And what am I supposed to do?
I am so angry with myself.
Being a businessman, the most important essence is my voice, my ability to sell and talk.
And now, I lose my essence.
I begin to feel useless. I feel that I cannot do anything.
I placed my hand on my forehead. I am not sure what I should do.
I heard someone knocked the door and opened it without my approval. This person walked in and closed the door.
Since I lost my speech, my hearing has grown sharper. I heard the footsteps, it is light, and it doesn’t belong to Secretary Xu.
I turned my seat, to see who this person that walked in into my room is. I looked and I saw it’s Xiao You.
Xiao You gently squatted down on floor and picked up the file and the scattered papers that I threw on the floor.
“Xi Men,” she said, handing me the file.
I am mad. I closed my eyes. I didn’t want Xiao You to see me like this. She placed the file on my table and I opened my eyes. She sat down at the chair in front of me.
“I heard from Secretary Xu that he is not able to postpone your appointment,” she said.
“So, are you going to the appointment?” she asked.
I tilted my head slightly and I straightened it, indicating I don’t know.
“Or maybe you have anyone following up on this contract or work on this with you?” she asked. “Maybe you can ask him or her to go,”
I shook. I pointed at myself.
“You mean you are the only one dealing with this contract?” she asked.
I nodded. I let out a sigh.
“Your neck is bleeding,” she said. “Must be earlier… when you have been too mad…” she stood up as she tried to come near me.
I put my hand up, asking her to not near me.
I run my fingers into my hair. I shook lightly. I don’t know what to do. I closed my eyes.
Suddenly I feel two hands massaging my shoulder.
“You’re stressed,” she said.
It was her. She is massaging my shoulder.
I don’t know, but I liked that feeling when someone cares for me.
My phone rings. I looked at the caller. It is the client that I am meeting later.
Xiao You looked at my phone. I looked at her.
I immediately clicked open a blank document on my computer and I start typing on it. ‘This is the client that I am meeting later’
“How?” she asked.
‘Would you be able to postpone for me?’ I typed.
“I’ll try,” she said.
I handed her the phone and she picked up the call. I looked at her answering the call.
“I’m sorry, but Mr. Xi Men would appreciate more if…” she suddenly stopped and her face grew mad. “I would honestly respect if you could take it at a better view that I am Mr. Xi Men’s assistant and that he cannot pick the call,”
Ok. I see why she is mad.
This client is quite rude, and I knew it all the while. He must be saying that I would rather spend time with a lady than attending an appointment with him.
“The appointment will be as scheduled if you do not mind that this assistant of him would attend as well,” she said.
I stared at her. Huh?
“Sure. SEE YOU,” she replied sarcastically. She hangs up the call and passed the phone to me.
‘You did not manage to postpone?’ I typed on my computer.
“Sorry, nope. Your client insists to meet… and I am going for the appointment,” she said.
I took a deep breath. I shook, and I start typing. ‘You shouldn’t be involved into my business like this, though I did say last time that you shall go out with me to meet my customers soon’.
“But I don’t want him to think of you… willing to go out with some girls and not on an appointment with him,” she said.
SHOOT. That was what I am thinking earlier that this client is saying.
I immediately handed her the file that she picked up for me earlier.
“Huh?” she asked.
I immediately typed on the computer. ‘This is the client that you and I are meeting later. Study the files… and later I will type out what to say to him… if in need, you have to interpret the hand signals for me’.
“Oh, okay,” she smiled as she took the file from my hand.
The meeting goes very well. The client was surprised when he sees my bandaged neck and the appearance of the pretty Xiao You in the meeting that has been held in my office. He apologized for being that harsh to Xiao You, and he understands now why I wanted to postpone the meeting. He does not mind the follow up will be in the next few months to come after I regained my speech.
Xiao You did a good job in the meeting. Practically when I give her hand signals she understands everything and she would interpret to the client when I give her the hand signals.
“Losing speech is not losing everything,” Xiao You suddenly said.
I smiled at her. I am in the midst of driving back home.
But I am still very sad.
My voice is very important for me. I cannot rely on Xiao You to talk for me all the time.
I just try to accommodate, try to get used to not being able to talk… and I have more time to go before I can completely heal and starts talking again.
The thought of waiting for the day to come is killing me.
More so… the thought of living with somebody else’s wife is killing me too…
“Dr. Huang said that you will be going to the hospital this weekend for check up,” Xiao You said.
I looked at her. I just recalled. This weekend indicates that it has been 2 weeks since the incident. I nodded.
“Xi Men, are you alright?” Xiao You asked.
I nodded at her and smiled lightly.
She scratched her head.
I think what I did have been too obvious…