Love/Hate – Chapter 19

Xiao You sat on top of the toilet bowl in the toilet of her house, looking around, unsure what is playing in her mind.

The words best described would be the mind was, and is blank.

She looked at the date displayed at the clock hung behind the closed door. She let out a deep breath. Her period is late for 2 weeks. The other day when she is drying her hair, she recalled that her period has yet to come, so she looked at the calendar to ensure that she has calculated the right date on expecting when her next period should come. And she has been calculating it almost everyday since that day.

Also, she’s been having nausea when she woke up in the morning for the past 2 days. She doesn’t feel like eating too. It could be food poisoning, and she felt restless.

That is the worst part to link with the late period.

She turned to look at the pregnancy test kit laid on top of the sink, next to where she sat, that she is pending to see the result. That waiting part is the agony. She lets out a deep sigh.


Xiao You frowned. “Who would come to my place? No one knows I stay here,” she mumbled.

She then heard her phone rings. It’s SMS.

She took up the phone that is placed next to the pregnancy test kit and reads the SMS.

‘I know you stay here. Open the door – Lei’

“Urgh,” she groaned and she stood up, walked out from the toilet and then she headed to the door. She peeks through the tiny magnifier glass at the door to see the visitor out there, and she saw both Lei and Jing standing outside the door. She opened the door.

“Hi Xiao You,” Jing smiled.

Xiao You looked at Jing, and then she turned to Lei and vents her frustration, “What do you want?”

“I come to see you,” Lei said.

“You know I don’t want anyone to know where I stay,” Xiao You said. “I know you can find my address from my contract,”

“Yes, and you know that I only come to this stage when I need to look for you,” Lei said. “So, you are not going to invite me in?”

Jing smiled at Xiao You.

“If you didn’t bring Jing, I would have slammed the door close,” Xiao You said as she walked away, leaving the door opened.

Jing frowned and then walked in, and Lei is left the last person to walk in and closed the door.

“Why do you have to be that grumpy, Xiao You?” Lei asked, as he saw Xiao You sat down on the couch in the living room.

“You have a nice place, Xiao You,” Jing smiled, as she sits down opposite of Xiao You.

“Thanks, Jing,” Xiao You said, and then looked at Lei. “You should learn to speak like your girlfriend. When you come to people’s house you should say something positive and not asking me why am I so grumpy,”

Lei smirked as he sat down next to Jing. “I thought that is what makes two people so compatible with each other. One is positive, and the other complement,”

Xiao You looked at Jing, “Trust me if you are not seeing him, I would be saying so much bad stuffs about him that you will refuse to date him,”

Jing laughed.

“But I am good also, okay? I am a CEO and I close your condo’s door for you,” Lei smiled.

Xiao You looked at him. “I am not your maid, I have no maid and there is no contract saying that CEO cannot close the door. Your hands are not crippled,”

Lei smirked, “You know I was joking,”

“You know I am not,” Xiao You replied the smirk. “So, why are you here,” she is saying in a statement and not even a question.

“Come to see you?” Lei asked.

“Well, you see me almost everyday. Why is there a need for Mr. CEO to come to meet me at my condo?” Xiao You asked.

“Now it’s not business. It’s personal,” Lei said.

“Anything personal that I need to liaise with you?” Xiao You asked.

“Maybe to put it in a way, your personal life,” Lei said.

Xiao You smirked. “You said it is my personal life. Then why do you bother?”

“Because it is also affecting my buddy’s life,” Lei said.

Xiao You looked at him. “Who,”

“Xi Men,” Lei said.

“What is there to affect his life?” Xiao You asked.

“You slept with him,” Lei said.

Xiao You looked at him. She quiet for a while, “I didn’t. It wasn’t me,”

“Yes, you did. Xi Men said he slept with XYZ. And XYZ is you,” Lei said.

Xiao You took a deep breath. “Why? Does it bother you?”

“What is going on with you? Why did you sleep with Xi Men?”

“It has nothing to do with you,” Xiao You said.

“Yes, it does!” Lei said.

Jing just sat there looking and listening to the conversation.

“Then why. If it is something to do with you, tell me why,” Xiao You said.

“Xi Men is my buddy. I have never seen Xi Men looking and searching for a girl like this. He made it sounds like she owe him something. He is pretty much in love with this girl from the way he says it,”

Xiao You looked at him, “Lust,” she said. “Lust is the right word to say,”

Lei quiet for a while, “You changed my buddy, and I want justice for you for he slept with you and…”

“Look! It is MY life. I slept with him for only ONCE. And it is a ONE NIGHT STAND and that is about it! I don’t need justice for a consented intimacy. If I don’t care about it, why do you have to? This whole thing has nothing to do with you. I told you before, XYZ is to die along with the annual dinner. If he is searching for XYZ, let him be because he will not be able to locate her,” Xiao You said. “You have promised me in the past that XYZ is done and you know nothing about her. I know you will keep your words because you do not promise what you can’t do,”

“But that was before I know he slept with you…!”

“Sleeping with him or not, that is my life. It is not you that you slept with him. I don’t get it. Why do you have to make it such a big fuss when I, as the person that sleeps with him, don’t even care about it?” Xiao You asked. “So you want to tell him that I am the XYZ he slept with so that he can look for me? Then what about me? Have you ever thought about my feelings?”


“Lei, are you putting it in a point that you want to hold him responsible for a consensual, no strings attached sex?” Xiao You asked.

Lei and Jing looked at each other.

“You have to remember, Lei. This is not your life. I am big enough and I know what to do with myself, what to do with my life. I don’t need you or anyone to decide for me what is best and what is not,” Xiao You said. “And I know you all know what consensual sex is. You don’t ask people to be responsible for consensual sex,”

“Xiao You, we are just concerned about you…” Jing said.

“I don’t need anyone to concern about me,” Xiao You said. “I know how to deal with things myself,”

“The reason we are here is to ask you about this. We know you slept with Xi Men, but I want to know if it is your choice, or if he forced himself on you, we want to know how you feel,” Jing said.

Xiao You took a deep breath. “He did not force himself on me. It was a pure non-emotional attached intimacy. It is just sex,” she said. “My feel? What feelings do you want me to have? That I still like him? That I love him?”

Jing and Lei looked at Xiao You.

“It is past. The sex has also passed. XYZ is dead with the annual dinner. Why do you have to ask again and brought XYZ up over and over again?” Xiao You asked. “It is my life. I have been doing everything all alone. I don’t need a man. I don’t need anyone to tell me what to do and what not to do. Whatever I do, I will take the consequences. That is me. So, whatever happened on me, it is just me and no one else is to know or has the right to ask about my life,”

“Is it even wrong for us to care about you?” Lei asked.

“Don’t go overboard, Lei. You can care, but caring is not about you keep asking things about me, and in sort of way, forcing me to respond to your questions. It is my choice if I want to tell you about my life. I don’t hold responsibility to report to you about my life. I can tell you when I wanted to, but I don’t expect you to demand me to reply to you about things that I don’t want to talk about,” Xiao You said.

“I was trying to help you,”

“Look,” Xiao You said. “I thank you for ‘trying to help me’ and concerned for me. But I always believe that I have my rights to tell you or not to tell you. This whole consensual sex thing is my life and I don’t have to tell you that your buddy slept with me. I only wish you would respect my rights and my privacy,”

Lei took a deep breath, “Yes, I respect your privacy,”

“That is what I need. I don’t have to explain what I do in my life for you to know when you can do nothing about it or even my past. And if that intimacy between he and I affects his life, then why did his past of having different ladies every week did not affect him? And why, he can’t eat and sleep well for he cannot find XYZ?”

“Well… that I don’t know… all I know is… it’s just that he is looking for you…”

“That’s it, right? That means it is no big deal for him. I don’t even know what is so big deal about that one night stand until you have to come and confront me about my life that I don’t even bother to look back at,” Xiao You said.

“The man that you slept with is Xi Men. We all know that you like him back then! We need to clarify this so that we know how you felt and also whether you treat it as a one night stand or a real love making session. We don’t know how you felt for him now, maybe you still do or maybe…”

Xiao You interrupted. “NO,” she turned looking at him. “I DO NOT have feelings for him anymore,” she said harshly. “It is just a one night stand. Strictly no attachment,”


“Do I need to lie to you?”

“You have every reason in the world to lie to me,” Lei said. “One of the main reasons I came, is to know if Xi Men is responsible for it,”

“For the intimacy?” Xiao You asked. “I don’t need him to,”

“If you say so,” Lei said. “Assuming if he really cannot eat and sleep for he cannot find XYZ, are you going to tell him that you are XYZ?”

“Are you kidding me?” Xiao You asked. “The only way that he will know XYZ is me, is only from you,”

“You don’t even care that he cannot eat and sleep because of you?”

“I don’t give a damn, Lei,” Xiao You said. “If I were to give a damn about him, who will give a damn about me?”

“We do,” Lei said.

“Did you?” Xiao You asked.


“Then where were you guys for the past 6 years?” Xiao You asked.

Lei is utterly shocked at that statement. He literally is speechless.

“Xiao You… what do you mean…” Jing asked.

“You were in Canada…” Lei said.

Xiao You smirked and then folded her hands on her chest. “It doesn’t matter. It’s already 6 years now, whatever you do or say today will not get you back to 6 years ago and be there for me when I needed help,”

Lei slightly dunked his head, he took a deep breath. Now he didn’t know what to say.

“If there is nothing else, I think we are done here,” Xiao You said.

Jing looked at Lei, and then she turned looking at Xiao You. “Yeah, I think we do. Rest early, will you?” she gently squeezed Xiao You’s arm.

Xiao You smiled at her. “Sure, you too,” she said. Then that smile faded in a second and she looked at Lei seriously. “Drive safely,”

Lei looked at Xiao You. “I will,”

They then rose to their feet, and slowly walked to the door. Xiao You opened the door. Lei and Jing walked out of the door, and before Lei walked out, he turned and looked at Xiao You, “I’m sorry,”

“For?” Xiao You asked.

“For asking you about your intimacy with Xi Men. And for not being there for you in the past,” Lei said.

She smirked. “As long as you keep your promise about XYZ and not telling people where I am staying now,”

Lei smiled. “Yes,”

“For the latter sentence… in what situation that I needed you guys to be there for the past 6 years but you never did, to be precise?” she asked.

His smile faded instantly. “I…” he then bite his upper lip.

“You should know what type of person I am. If you are unsure or have no idea what you are apologizing about, don’t say it for the sake of saying it,” Xiao You said. “Goodnight,” she then smiled at them.

“Goodnight,” Lei and Jing said together, and then they walked away hand in hand.

Xiao You’s smile faded off from her face right away as she closed the door. She took a deep breath.

“Ah,” she said as she headed to the toilet.

She quickly took the pregnancy test laid on the sink and looked at the result.

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