Love/Hate – Chapter 40

Xiao You sits on the bed in the hospital, folding the hands on her chest and looked out of the window to the blue sky.

“Hi Miss Yang,” Dr. Wang came in into the room with a smile.

Xiao You turned and looked at Dr. Wang. “Hi, Dr. Wang,”

Dr. Wang smiled, before she sits down on the chair next to Xiao You. “Miss Yang, there are certain things that I need to speak to you,”

“Sure, Dr. Wang,” she smiled forcefully, releasing her hands from the folds and placed it down.

“The last time I’ve seen you was two weeks ago, you look so lethargic and tired. You look very good now. How are you feeling?” Dr. Wang asked.

“Like you said, Dr. Wang, I feel good,” she smiled.

Dr. Wang smiled a bit, and then she took up the report in her hands and she looked at it. “Miss Yang, where is your husband?”

Xiao You bites her lips. “I don’t have a husband. I am a single unmarried woman,”

“When you were here 2 weeks ago, your friends said you do,” Dr. Wang looked at her.

Xiao You looked down, “Would you believe me if I tell you, the reason they say that is because you told them about my pregnancy, and they wanted to know further from you?”

Dr. Wang puts down the report. “So, you mean they wanted to dig information from me so they lied about it?”

“It was never in my intention to tell them about my pregnancy. I knew it before I was admitted. My test kits are positive,” Xiao You said.

“Why didn’t you want to tell them?” Dr. Wang asked. “Or, are you ashamed about your pregnancy?”

Xiao You shook. “I have been all by myself in this life. There are certain things that I wanted to deal by myself. And there are many decisions that only I can make myself and I don’t need approval from them. Yes, this is an unwanted pregnancy. I did not expect this will happen, but I am not ashamed until I need to keep it from them. I just don’t see the need to inform them,”

“You see, Miss Yang, in accordance to our law, we cannot simply perform abortions,” Dr. Wang said.

“Dr. Wang,” Xiao You said. “I understand the law. I submit myself to the sexual intercourse but this is an accident. I am not married so I do not have a husband to give his consent and banish my decision to abort the child. And Dr. Wang, a child is for life. It is a lifetime commitment,” she looked at Dr. Wang. “I understand that I only have to say that having a child will affect me psychologically and financially, in order to proceed with abortion, am I right?”

Dr. Wang looked at her. “Did you study the law of abortion in Taiwan?”

Xiao You smiled. “I know all of these,” she said. “Dr. Wang, I am a single woman. How can I provide a proper family for the child who will grow up fatherless?”

Dr. Wang smiled. “You are good,”

Xiao You smiled again, “Thank you,”

“Let me ask something personal, if you don’t mind,” Dr. Wang said.

“I will answer if I am fine with it,”

“Have you informed the father of the baby?”

Xiao You looked at her.

“I am sure you know who the father is. Unless you have multiple sex partners,” Dr. Wang said.

“Yes, I know who the father is, and no, he doesn’t know,”

“He doesn’t know you have a baby or he doesn’t know you are going for abortion?”

“He doesn’t know the baby is his’,” Xiao You said shortly.

“Why don’t you want to tell him?”

“To let him know that he has the right to stop me from going for abortion?” she questioned.

“To let him know that he has a child,”

“The replies I had with you earlier applied here,” Xiao You smiled. “This is something I want to deal it myself,”

“Pregnancy has nothing to do on your own. You don’t get pregnant on your own. Even if you don’t have a man to have sexual intercourse to get you pregnant, you need male sperm from a male donor to make it happen via IVF, am I right?” Dr. Wang said. “You have to understand that it is not only your responsibility for this baby but he is as well. He contributed. I am sure that you both felt that at the moment, it is just a temporary pleasure but now it leads to this stage. Yes, a kid is for life, but abortion may also cause you permanent psychological damage for life, have you ever thought about that?”

Xiao You quiet.

“It is a life of a child we are talking about. Abortion will rob this kid’s life, and you will remember you are at fault this kid did not survive. Miscarriage is not an option. Abortion is,” Dr. Wang said, taking a deep breath.

Xiao You also took a deep breath.

Dr. Wang looked at her wrist watch. “Your operation will be 1 hour from now. You have this one hour duration of time to think wisely if you want to go thru the abortion. I’ll come back and get you later. I reckon that if the father of the baby is around, he should be informed and agreed to the same decision as yours before you do something that you cannot revert and shouldn’t be regret of,”

Dr. Wang stood up, smiled and nodded slightly before she walked out from the room.

Xiao You raised her head up and took a deep breath.

At the end of the day, it is still her decision. And it is messing up her mind.

Knock! Knock!

Xiao You turned to look at the door.

“Come in,” she said.

Someone opened the door. And then the head protrudes in.


She smiled. “Hi, Xi Men,”

“Look what I’ve got you…” Xi Men came in with a middle size paper bag.

“What’s that?” Xiao You asked.

“A panda’s teddy bear!” he took it out in a speed of lightning from the bag.

“Ah?” she stared at it.

“Err… you don’t like it?” Xi Men asked.

Xiao You then laughed. “Errr… I didn’t expect to get a panda bear,” she then took it from his hand. In fact, it’s a very nice plushy toy.

Xi Men laughed and scratched his head. “I didn’t know what to get you,”

“So, to treat me like a kid instead?” she hugged the toy.

“I don’t think food is a wise choice now because I don’t know if you can have it before operation. And then, flowers… nah,” he said. “You get to keep the toy at least,”

Her smile slowly fades at that first statement he uttered.

“Hey, you okay?” Xi Men asked.

“Yeah,” she said, looking at him.

“You like it?” he pointed at the panda.

“Yeah, thanks,” she said.

“No problem,” he said.

“By the way, thank you for taking care of me for these 2 weeks,” she said.

“It’s fine, you know,” he said.

“I shall go back to my own place and stay after all these ends,” she said.

Xi Men’s smile fades and he bites his lips. “I don’t mind if you still want to stay at my penthouse,”

She shook. “I have my own place, you see,”

“In fact, I prefer you to stay at my place, your place lacks a lot of things…”

“Those can be bought slowly, but I’ll make sure I get a knife first,” she smiled.

He smiled. “I… I don’t want you to move,”

“I have to, you know,”

“But you can choose not to,”

“Why do you have to be so persistent, Xi Men? It… is not my home,” Xiao You said.

“I’ve got used to your presence in my place,” Xi Men said.

“I was there like only for 2 weeks, you’ve stayed there for years. How come my presence in the house for 2 weeks can override yours for few years?”

“But all this while I am alone,” Xi Men said.

“You get your independence without me,”

“I would rather sacrifice my independence than being lonely,” Xi Men said.

“You need a companion,” she said.

“I know,” he said. “You have been a great one in my home,”

“You need a better one and more suitable one,”

“Why do I need to look for a better one when you are already the best?”

She stopped.

“Since when you are so good with your words?” she asked.

“Since you came. It is challenging,” he said. “But I learned. I think everyone does,”

“Oh,” she said.

It was silence for a moment.

“Will you not move?” Xi Men asked.

“I don’t really see a reason why not to move. You have done your part of taking care of me. You’ve fulfilled at the things you’ve promised and said,” Xiao You said.

“Because I love you,”

Xiao You stunned. She turned and looked at Xi Men.

Xi Men dunked a bit. “I know that did not quite come at the right time… but…” he looked at Xiao You. “But I’m serious. I am seriously in love with you,”

Xiao You smiled forcefully. “You know, you don’t have to say that,”

“WHAT?! Why?!” he surprised.

Xiao You dunked her head, still smiling. “I know you are saying it to make me feel better. But, seriously, I don’t buy it,”

“Buy what?! I am… oh my gosh, how is this happening,” he said, squeezing his nasal bridge.


He looked at her. “Xiao You, seriously, I… I had feelings for you since so long ago and I can only beat myself for not going after you and blaming myself for not having the courage to go after you in Canada to express myself. You know I didn’t know Miss XYZ is you before I bed with you, right? She was so mesmerizing that night, so alluring that it just glued me to her without even the need to see her face. I was so fascinated at her even from far, not because of what she wears that night or her action but something just strikes me and I can’t let her go. I was so intrigued of her, so much that I wanted to approach her and I become so demanding and overprotected on her, I refuse her to leave my sight and… the damn phantom took her away for 15 minutes which seems like eternity,” he said. “And then I got into intimacy with her, it was due to the connection I had with her which is unexplainable, not solely because of lust. That is why I wanted to look for her. I wanted to know what kind of girl could give me the same feeling that I had on you. The same feelings I had on YOU, Xiao You. And then it turns out Miss XYZ has always been next to me. She is you,”

“I thought you said she is irresistible,”

“I wasn’t a playboy anymore. I just got hooked on you to get me wild,” he said.

She took a deep breath.

“When I know it is you, my heart crushed… because I did not expect it is you, and I do not want to do this to you,”

“So, you regretted?”

He took a deep breath. “I do not regret having intimacy with Miss XYZ. But I regret to have done this to you because I do not want you to be treated or feel like this,”

“I am fine with it,” she looked at Xi Men. “Don’t forget, I give my consent,”

“I would not let you do it if I know it is you,”

“Does it matter? I had my time,” she said.

He sighed. “Xiao You, I did not love you because you are Miss XYZ. I did not love you because I pity you. I love you because of who you are and regardless of what you’ve done and become, I’ll still love you and those feelings have never left me even 6 years have passed. I have been in denial and I refused to admit that I love you because I don’t know what I am feeling too. It has confirmed for me when you stayed with me for the past 2 weeks, that I am eager to see you, eager to feed you, eager to protect you and eager to do everything with and for you,”

“Do you know what you are talking about?” Xiao You asked.

“What do you mean by questioning my statements?”

“You are talking about love with me, whom you have not seen and notice for the past few years, and I am not those girls from the same status as you for you to love or to like!”

He stared at her. “Do you know what you are talking about NOW?”

“What? You are a director. Owns a company. Who am I for you to risk your statuses and stuffs to care for a girl who doesn’t have a dignity and to bear someone’s kids before marriage?”

He holds her shoulder with a hand on each side. “LOOK,” he said. “I am a director and I do own a company. I have fame and money. These have nothing to do with my love for a girl of my life. If you claimed yourself has no dignity then I don’t have dignity as well because I slept with you without being married to you. I don’t care about the bastard that impregnated you and did not take responsibility over it. At least I do by taking care of you, provide for you and if given a choice, I do not mind taking the child as mine because the child is a part of you. All that matters to me is you and only you,”

She looked at him.

“What I said the other day in the living room about me finding a girl for my life is not a story I created just for you to listen. I searched the emotions and feelings deep in my heart to be able to tell you what I am aiming and what I am looking for. All I’ve said that day is the truth. When I speak to you about it, all that is running in my mind is the image of a pregnant you with me and I am doing everything for you and the kid that I wanted to be a father for. I admit that I got so carried away with that image and mindset, and since at that time I could not let you know about my feelings, I stopped talking about it. I have already took the responsibility for your pregnancy and so glad to be a part of it. I feel like a complete man finally. Xiao You, I really do not mind this kid because it is a part of you and I love you. I have not seen myself having this capability to love and care for you this much. So much that I wanted everything the best for you. I did not lie to you about my love,”

She dunked her head and she looked down.

Xi Men took a deep breath. “This may not be the right time to talk about my love for you. Then I talk about this kid,” he pointed at her tummy. “The sole reason I disagree with you going for abortion is because I have accepted it as a part of my life, like what I’ve just said, and it is a part of you and you wanted to make changes on it. I am worried you may suffer complications after the abortion. At the same time, I don’t want you to suffer from emotional distress because of aborting a baby. However, like you’ve said as well, a child is for life. Your life will change dramatically because of a child attached to your life. I understand that I am nobody to this kid. It is your choice and your body. So, I have no rights to object or agree with your decision,” Xi Men said. “I could only hope for the best and there will be no regrets once any decision is made,”

She closed her eyes and she looked away. “It is not easy for me to make this decision too, Xi Men,”

“I know… I…”

“Please don’t make my mind messier than it already is, Xi Men… I… why are you expressing at this time, Xi Men? Of all times? Why not earlier, why not later, why now?” Xiao You asked. “I…”

Knock! Knock!

Xiao You sniffed.

Xi Men took a deep breath. Why does people has to come at this time, when she is going to say something that he wanted to hear? “Who’s there?”

“Come in!” Xiao You called, not bother to wait for the people behind the door to respond.

And then someone opened the door.

“Hi, Xiao You!” they all said together. F3 and their women.

“Hi guys,” Xiao You smiled.

“Hey,” Xi Men said, standing up.

“Hey, Xi Men,” they all said.

“How are you feeling?” Jing asked as the girls walked to approach her on the bed, while the men stood near the entrance, right where Xi Men stood.

“I am fine,” Xiao You smiled.

As when the girls talked among themselves…

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Mei Zhuo hooked his hand over to Xi Men’s shoulder.

“Fine,” Xi Men said, folding his arms on his chest.

“What’s the blank face?” Ah Si pointed.

Xi Men looked at him. “She was talking to me about something that possibly I wanted to hear,”

“Oh? What is it?” Lei asked.

“You guys crashed in,” Xi Men said.

Lei, Mei Zhuo and Ah Si frowned.

“So it’s our fault?” Mei Zhuo asked.

“What’s so good about talking it all at the hospital bed? You have whole night last night together and you both didn’t maximize it?” Ah Si asked.

Xi Men looked at Ah Si. “It just depends on the conversation, isn’t it? Regardless of time and location,”

“Oh,” Lei, Mei Zhuo and Ah Si said.

“He looks annoyed,” Lei mumbled at Ah Si.

“Yeah,” Ah Si glared at Xi Men. “I just feel like punching him,”

Lei smirked.

They then heard Xi Men taking a deep breath. Not too long later he opened the door and then walked out, and all of them looked at him walking out from the room.

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