Love/Hate – Chapter 44

Xiao You sat quietly on the bed, dunking her head.

Xi Men sat next to the bed, also quietly, slightly dunking his head.

The rests of the friends stood one side, also quietly, stared at Xiao You and Xi Men. Most had their hands folded on their chest.

“Can someone say something?” Mei Zhuo asked.

All of them looked at Mei Zhuo, including Xiao You and Xi Men who lightly lifted their heads and turned to Mei Zhuo’s direction.

Mei Zhuo looked at them. “Maybe you need us out of the room so we can give both of you some space?”

Now, all of them looked at Mei Zhuo again. San Chai gaped at Mei Zhuo for the question, because she wanted to be in the room to listen to everything.

“Maybe that will be a good idea,” Xiao Qiao said.

Jing looked at Xiao Qiao and nodded. “Let’s go out then,”

San Chai looked at Xiao Qiao and Jing; she shook lightly, disagreeing at the idea but that could be the best for both Xi Men and Xiao You.

With Ah Si nearest to the door, he opened the door, and all of them turned to face the door as they wanted to leave the room.

“Before we go out…” San Chai voiced out.

All of them stopped and looked at San Chai.

“Why do you want to keep this a secret from us, from me, from the father?” San Chai asked.

Xiao You straightened her face, and then slowly dunked her head. Xi Men turn to face Xiao You.

“I hope you will have the answer for that question,” San Chai said, and then she became the first to walk out from the room. All of them looked at Xiao You, before they slowly walked out from the room one by one, with Lei patted on Xi Men’s shoulder, and then he is the last to leave and closed the door.

Xi Men looked at Xiao You, and Xiao You still dunking her head.

“Can I have the answer for the question San Chai just posted?” Xi Men asked.

Xiao You did not respond.

“Why do you deny me from this baby’s right?” Xi Men asked.

Xiao You looked at her clasped hands.

“Why don’t you want to let me know this baby is mine? Why do you keep saying it is ‘no’ whenever I asked you?” he asked again, looking at Xiao You.

Xiao You just swallowed the lump in her throat.

“This baby has a life. Do you know that? And what are you going to do if you abort this baby, and then I found out about it? How are you going to handle it that time?” Xi Men asked again.

Xiao You sniffed.

“Xiao You, look at me,” he sits on the bed and placed his hand on each of her shoulders. “I want you to tell me in my face the baby is mine, it is my kid. Look at me, Xiao You. Look at me,”

Xiao You lightly lifted her head up. Tears run down her cheek.

“It is my child, isn’t it?” Xi Men asked.

Xiao You bites her lips and she nodded.

“Awww, Xiao You…” Xi Men pulled her to him and hugged her. “It’s really my baby…”

More tears flow down her cheek, wetting his shirt, she slowly hugs him back.

“I will be responsible for this, okay… That is never a question. You know very well I would and I wanted to,” he said, as he patted her head, as tears streamed down his cheek. “In fact, even if this is not my child, I will too, you know,” he smiled as he pats.

Xiao You began to sob uncontrollably in his hug.

His heart felt so bitter listening to her sob. And then he felt her turning her head.

“Why don’t you scold me… why do you have to be…” she lost for words.

“I’ll scold you later,” he laughed as he patted her head.

She smiled, he is still capable to crack jokes at this point.

“Now…” he gently pushed her, and he looked at her. “Why? Why do you deny me?”

Her smile fades. She looked down again.

“I have always been single. I support myself. I don’t want a baby to pull me down. To change my life. I don’t want you to become someone you are not because of the baby. I don’t want to make you responsible for this unwanted pregnancy. It was a one night stand, Xi Men,” she said. “And I don’t want your appearance as the father to disrupt my decision on the baby. I don’t want pity. I don’t want sympathy,”

“Pity? Who is going to pity you? Why sympathy?” he questioned her. “Nobody is going to show you sympathy, Xiao You… unless that is what you requested for,” he said. “We questioned you because we didn’t know you have a man… and we wanted that bastard… urgh… that guy to be responsible,” he brushed her hair aside. “We didn’t want you to do it alone. Because we care. Do you think that I am not capable to be a good father, that is why you deny me?”

“I have never thought in that sense,” she said, looking up at him. “I think you’ll be a good father,”

“Because of what I told you the other day, isn’t it?” he asked.

She smiled.

“Those are not a story that I made up. It is really from the bottom of my heart,” he said. “I am looking forward for a family on my own,”

“I know,” she said. “I remember that night… I rubbed my tummy, knowing that the father of the baby is… is a good father,” the smile then fades off and frowned at the slight tinge of pain but it faded soon after. “But, despite knowing the truth… I still cannot let you know…” she said. She takes a deep breath. “So… how do you find out?”

“It was San Chai,” Xi Men said. “She… she reads your signs that I can’t get. I would appreciate if she had told me earlier than lecture me for who-knows-how-long before she told me you are pregnant with my kid. I am not a sign or mind reader, how would I know? But silly me, you’ve stayed with me for 2 weeks and yet I didn’t know,”

“Now you know… but why do you stop me?” she asked.

Xi Men looked at her. “Have you forgotten? I am against you going for abortion. I don’t want you to suffer from complications. I cannot do anything earlier because I don’t have the right to stop you. But since I know this is my child, I have my right. I need to know what is happening before the next thing happens,”

“You were sobbing hard, I know,”

“Ah, there goes my CEO image,” he said.

She smiled.

“Do you still hate me so much… that you deny me the baby?” he asked.

She shook.

“The reason you deny me is solely because you don’t want me to disrupt your decision?”

“It is also a life changing event, do you know that?” she asked. “A kid… is for life,”

“But to decide everything for and by yourself?” he asked. “Isn’t that a little bit too much burden you had placed for yourself?”

“I have no choice,”

“But you have me, do you know that?” he asked.

She kept quiet.

“So much that I know the baby is mine now, it gives me even more reason to be a part of your life. It also gives you more reasons, hopefully for you to accept me,” he said. “Xiao You, you know that I love you. From this moment now, we will carry burdens together, okay?”

“I have yet to accept you,” she said.

He smiled. “I have faith in myself that you will, and you actually, already did,”

She looked at him. “So much for an arrogant bastard like you,” she folded her hands.

He laughed. “I know. And I am that bastard that impregnated you, I curse myself in the past and I didn’t know it!” he kissed her forehead. “You know, since meeting you, I am doing so many things I didn’t know I will and I do it without really thinking about it. I always ask myself what am I doing after I did it,” he scratched his head.

She smiled.

“Would you accept me, not only because of the baby, but for you too?” Xi Men asked.

She looked at Xi Men. “Would you still post me the question if I am not pregnant?”

“Yes, definitely,” Xi Men said. “You know…” he holds her hand. “I am not doing this because you are pregnant with my kid. Even before this, I didn’t know it’s my kid, do you remember how I treat you? I know that is the best scenario for you to analyze about me. I really thought it is someone else’s kid, but then, I still love you. Now, even more so this is my child, I am happy that there’s no other man had invaded my woman,” he laughed and she slapped his shoulder. “Yes, seriously, I still love you regardless there’s a baby or not,”

She smiled.

“Accept me, will you?” he asked. “And we’ll go thru the path together,”

She dunked her head slightly. “Sincerely?”

“Yes, I am sincere. I love you so much to let you do this alone. And not only for the baby, but for me and for you. You said you love the father of the baby,”

She looked at him. “Ah, I forgot about that part of confession,”

He laughed. “I remember!” he said. “And for that, I know how you felt for me,” he caressed her face. “So… since I love you and you love me…” he looked at her. “I assume I am a part of your life now,” he smiled sneakily at her.

She laughed at that smile. “Sneaky,”

He laughed. “So… is it set that you have accepted me? I asked you 3 times! Never a girl in my life will make me ask 3 times! Only you do,”

She laughed again. “Yes, Xi Men…yes,”

He smiled at her. “From now onwards you are my property, my very valuable property. Nobody can take you away from me,” he smiled at her as he caressed her cheek.

“Overprotective!” she said.

He laughed. He touched her stomach.

“I didn’t know San Chai will be able to decipher the signs,” she shook slightly.

“Maybe you have underestimated her. She is not like the San Chai you know 6 years ago, you see,”

“Yeah… maybe,” she smiled.

“Oh well, now we have to plan a lot for our future,” Xi Men smiled.

She looked at him. “You want the baby, Xi Men?”

His smile fades and he looked at her. “Why not?”

“But… I am not ready,”

He took a deep breath, “But you have me to take care of the baby with you…”

“This is for life, Xi Men…”

“I know, and I am ready for it, really…” Xi Men said. “Well, at least I have few months to prepare myself mentally and emotionally before the baby pops out… but, you are not?” he asked. “I thought one of the main reasons you didn’t want the baby was because the baby will grow up fatherless… and the baby now has me,”

“It is not that issue…” Xiao You said.

“Oh…” he said. “Or… you are actually eyeing a marriage so the baby will be…”

“No, I wasn’t hinting that,” Xiao You said. “In fact I have never thought of that too,”

He laughed. “That will never be a problem, Xiao You. I have decided to marry you anyway,”

“Just because I have your baby?”

“No, I don’t mean that,” Xi Men said. “I already had that thought before the revelation of the father of the baby, because I really want to marry you,”


“Come Xiao You, tell me, what else are you worried about this baby?”

“It is still the same reasons I have told you…” she said.

“But, you are not ready at all for the abortion as well, as much as you are not ready for the baby,”

“It is not easy to come with that decision, Xi Men… I know I am not ready but… it is never an option,”

“But now you cannot decide anything about this baby without me. I wanted to know why you are not ready, why…”

“Xi Men,” she said. He stopped. “It took me a while to accept this baby, and yes, it has dwelt in me that the baby is already inside my tummy. Therefore, to come with the decision to abort the baby is difficult for me too, do you know that? But, if I were to keep this baby, I need to have a lot of planning ahead for myself and for the baby. And I can’t even imagine having a child,”

“You have me right now, Xiao You. We will do the planning together. There are many unexpected things happen in life and it will still happen. The most important thing is that we will do this together. As much as I know this baby was never conceived because of love at that very moment, it is still my child and I love the product of ours. I know this is an accident, but that doesn’t mean we should ask the baby to go,” Xi Men said. “As much as I am not ready to be a father in a split second, it will dwell in me in no time because it is a reality. In fact, very much like you already a mother now, I am a father now too, you know?” he smiled. “I strongly against the abortion of our child because I do not want you to suffer from complications and many possible future sufferings, when you will be pregnant and carrying our baby. Now, tell me… what says you?”

“I…” she said. She looked down.

He took a deep breath. “This is our child. We both hold responsibilities for this child. So, I will respect your decision. And then we shall come with one conclusion you see,” he said.

“You see… I am undecided between both…” she scratched her head.

“Hmm… are you afraid of some financial crisis? You know it is never a problem,” he said. “I can deal with that, no doubt,”

She smiled. “You know, I like you asking things like this, it shows you are attentive and look into detailed things,”

He looked at her. His face went red. “Oh. I… didn’t expect you’ll… ermm… thanks,”

She laughed at his reddened face. “Awww… you must have not received lots of compliment in your life!”

He smiled at her forcefully. “Ok… let’s get back to the main subject… instead of focusing on me…”

“Ok, ok, I can see your red face!” Xiao You laughed. “Alright… so…”

“What else is bothering you? Is it… your freedom?”

Her laughter literally fades off and she looked at him. “Kind of…”

“Okay… then…?” he asked.

She dunked her head.

“You know, why not we go back home and talk about this…” Xi Men said.

“No,” she said. “Actually I have told Dr. Wang that I will come up with the decision today. If we will abort, then we will do it today,”

“What?” Xi Men asked.

She nodded. “Because I do not want to drag it too long… you see…”

“But that didn’t mean we have ample time in the hospital to discuss about wanting this baby or not!” he said.

“We have few hours to deal with this,” Xiao You said.

“Xiao You, this is about a baby. This baby has his or her life. And this baby is a part of our life. This is a major decision. We can’t say we will be able to deal it within hours or something. You took two weeks to decide to go for the abortion. And now, after I find out this baby is mine, you only grant me few hours to talk this through with you?” he asked.

“I know you are unhappy about it. But you have to know the baby is growing daily. If we are to decide to abort this child, we have to do it fast,” Xiao You said.

“Why are you comparing this child’s living decision to buying a packet of chips in the store?!” he asked. “You can just stare at the chips and then leave without buying it. But a child is not like that! You can’t do the decision like this!”

“I’m sorry if this frustrates you, but you have to remember the baby is growing day by day,” she said, and then she clasped her hand, “And the fact that I didn’t expect you to find out about this baby today,”

Xi Men looked at Xiao You. “Can you for once stop thinking about yourself? Stop being selfish?”

She looked at him. “Is that how you treat the person you said you love?”

Xi Men closed his eyes for a while, “OKAY. NO. I don’t treat my girlfriend like that. Next, can you think about me? And think about OUR baby?”

“I tried okay, I TRIED!” she said, and then a word he uttered earlier came back and smacks her in the face. “Girlfriend?”

“Look, Xiao You, I want the baby, do you get it?!” he said. “And I don’t care if you ever concern about you went out of shape because of the pregnancy, I still love you and I will love you even more for you are carrying my child!”

She looked at him. “I am not love-starved, Xi Men,”

“Okay, okay… this did not turn out right. Are you still hesitating about the baby?” he asked.

“Hesitate. Yes,” she said.

“Did a single part of you… want the baby?” Xi Men asked.

She took a while to answer, “Yes,”

“Then… can we keep the baby?”

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